I'm exhausted from a written "verbal" fight I had yesterday on a discussion board. Basically, someone tried to silence me while complaining my asking questions was silencing someone. I hate double standards. It wasn't her first attempt to silence my opinion, either, so I stood my ground even as we went off topic. On the bright side, some people who post on that board, and who I generally respect, sent me personal messages showing their support. It was nice to have confirmation that I'm not alone in my opinion of the particular silencer.
Today K sent a text that for some reason struck me as snippy. Then I realized I hadn't eaten at all and it was already 1pm. I think sometimes when I over react, it's possibly related to my blood sugar being out of whack. I came home, ate and feel that it's likely not snippy, just that he was busy at work. I've noticed the correlation before between my eating/lack of appetite and my emotional reactions; but I'm writing it here to have a reminder every time I read this back.
Literally, every day I battle fear about my future because I am just not finding a job. I'm scared of what will happen financially and professionally if I don't find something soon. My goal this month is to get a stop-gap job, which I hadn't done before because small projects from one company were sustaining me this spring and summer. K doesn't know how afraid I get about this issue because I shield him from it. I think it's wrong that I shield him from my reality.
I agree with your conclusion.
ReplyDeleteTurns out, as I concluded a few days after the post, that K knows more than I really thought he did. He just trusts me as an adult to bring up things when I need to talk about them. He isn't one for pushing...which might pose a problem in the future because sometimes I think I do need a push about opening up. For now, though, I find comfort in being allowed my own mental space when needed.
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