Have I mentioned that K likes to fish? That he saves all his vacation time for fishing? That not even visiting family will get him to use up vacation time unless they are fishing? (And I heard him tell his mom just the other day that he's not taking time off when his parents visit next month, so I know this last bit for a fact).
And here's the grin: last night he told me I needed to research camping so we could go camping. He said I need to let him know a weekend to go and he'll take off from work. When I pointed out he doesn't use vacation time unless there's fishing, he responded that he knew I wanted to camp this year and the season will be up soon. I smiled at him; I got happy tears (but only in my mind's eye).
The guy that diligently protects his vacation time was willing to give me some of that time even if fishing weren't an option. Wow. Like super wow.
Then I told him I'd find some camping with a fishing opportunity and he smiled back at me.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Off topic?
A request to my loyal readership of three: can you send positive vibes or thoughts or prayers (what ever is your preference) about a potential job situation for me.
Yesterday I had a positive phone interview with a recruiter for a job that is a change from my past career path, but using skills I've gathered working with a small company off and on for the last five years. The potential employer wants someone with my type of advanced degree but in a completely unrelated industry, an industry I just happen to have some experience in. The pay is about 2/3 of what I could make if I went back to my regular career path, but this job would be much more fun and I think it will have periods of down time (given the particular life cycle of the industry) that would allow me to have greater quality of life.
The recruiter was going to recommend the company interview me in person because my resume uniquely matched their search criteria.
To top it off, the position would also likely allow me to continue doing the projects I've been on for the last five years with the other company...which would bring my earnings nearly back to where they would be if I got a job for which my advanced degree is designed.
Sorry...it's hard to tell the story and disguise the facts to protect the innocent. =)
I just really hope to get at least the in person interview because the job does sound interesting. I'm sure I could be of help to the company and just want the opportunity to explain how I could help.
I titled this post as "Off topic?" because my job search has nothing to do with my dating life. But the question mark is because finding a job does impact my relationship with K. When I find a job, I think we'll both feel much more secure that there is a potential future together beyond my search deadlines. It remains that I'll be looking for a stop-gap job this month if this current lead doesn't pan out. A stop-gap would also help, 'cause I'm really, really enjoying my time with this man and I don't want to think about it ending for a stupid reason like I just can't find a job.
What's in a name?
My blog name is, of course, a nom de plume. For those that don't know, Hecate is the goddess of crossroads and magic, among other things. It was selected back in December to represent the crossroads I was at, when I gathered my courage to write someone who I now have the honor to call friend. That correspondence remains valued and cherished for the education and the great assistance it gave me in sorting out a part of myself. It remains to be seen, however, if what I learned truly, completely applies to my life. I think some, if not all, of it will; I took a path that lead to greater understanding and I hope to not loose that understanding.
And today I started to explore further along that path and I gotta say: I love the route I'm on right now.
And today I started to explore further along that path and I gotta say: I love the route I'm on right now.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Random Off Topic Stuff
I'm exhausted from a written "verbal" fight I had yesterday on a discussion board. Basically, someone tried to silence me while complaining my asking questions was silencing someone. I hate double standards. It wasn't her first attempt to silence my opinion, either, so I stood my ground even as we went off topic. On the bright side, some people who post on that board, and who I generally respect, sent me personal messages showing their support. It was nice to have confirmation that I'm not alone in my opinion of the particular silencer.
Today K sent a text that for some reason struck me as snippy. Then I realized I hadn't eaten at all and it was already 1pm. I think sometimes when I over react, it's possibly related to my blood sugar being out of whack. I came home, ate and feel that it's likely not snippy, just that he was busy at work. I've noticed the correlation before between my eating/lack of appetite and my emotional reactions; but I'm writing it here to have a reminder every time I read this back.
Literally, every day I battle fear about my future because I am just not finding a job. I'm scared of what will happen financially and professionally if I don't find something soon. My goal this month is to get a stop-gap job, which I hadn't done before because small projects from one company were sustaining me this spring and summer. K doesn't know how afraid I get about this issue because I shield him from it. I think it's wrong that I shield him from my reality.
Today K sent a text that for some reason struck me as snippy. Then I realized I hadn't eaten at all and it was already 1pm. I think sometimes when I over react, it's possibly related to my blood sugar being out of whack. I came home, ate and feel that it's likely not snippy, just that he was busy at work. I've noticed the correlation before between my eating/lack of appetite and my emotional reactions; but I'm writing it here to have a reminder every time I read this back.
Literally, every day I battle fear about my future because I am just not finding a job. I'm scared of what will happen financially and professionally if I don't find something soon. My goal this month is to get a stop-gap job, which I hadn't done before because small projects from one company were sustaining me this spring and summer. K doesn't know how afraid I get about this issue because I shield him from it. I think it's wrong that I shield him from my reality.
Insert Happy Face Here
Today, K added a little something extra into the mix: the mix before we got out of bed, so details aren't forthcoming. But what he added was something I had just recognized I was craving about two days ago. I hadn't said anything about this particular desire...and it was a kind of minor thing...but I'm going to wear a happy face today because he seemed to innately just know my need.
Mr. Frenulum and I have discussed certain responsibilities in one kind of relationship. K seems to be meeting some of those responsibilities even though we have not had a deep, detailed conversation about them or the way we are together.
We are only three months into the relationship and I find it important to still go slowly with sharing our stories. Likewise, I think it appropriate to go slowly with diving into this aspect of our relationship. I care enough about K that I don't want to scare him away; yet he does keep taking things up a step every now and then...sometimes little steps, sometimes regular sized steps. Is a giant step forward scary? It is for me when contemplating taking his hand and leaping forward.
So now I'm off to ponder why being true to myself is scary.
PS. I heard recently my loyal readership might actually be up to three! Shout out to SnS!
______
ETA: The giant step forward that is contemplated above is not the "final" step. It's more the idea of getting into further specifics of what I am seeking. The giant step actually requires a multitude of small steps...so please don't think I'm jumping off the deep end just yet.
Mr. Frenulum and I have discussed certain responsibilities in one kind of relationship. K seems to be meeting some of those responsibilities even though we have not had a deep, detailed conversation about them or the way we are together.
We are only three months into the relationship and I find it important to still go slowly with sharing our stories. Likewise, I think it appropriate to go slowly with diving into this aspect of our relationship. I care enough about K that I don't want to scare him away; yet he does keep taking things up a step every now and then...sometimes little steps, sometimes regular sized steps. Is a giant step forward scary? It is for me when contemplating taking his hand and leaping forward.
So now I'm off to ponder why being true to myself is scary.
PS. I heard recently my loyal readership might actually be up to three! Shout out to SnS!
______
ETA: The giant step forward that is contemplated above is not the "final" step. It's more the idea of getting into further specifics of what I am seeking. The giant step actually requires a multitude of small steps...so please don't think I'm jumping off the deep end just yet.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
The Falling Part 4
Yesterday we fished (YAY Fishing!!!!!). I also kept in mind a cute picture I recently received and wished my hair looked as nice (Thanks Mr. Frenulum).
We arrived at the river and started down the embankment...which I then fell down from about a 1/3 of the way up. It was steep and my foot slipped out from under me. I tumbled a few times, thinking to myself as I'm tumbling "I'm infinitely embarrassed." My mind flashed on how the ex would treat me after my klutzy moments. He would often ask "why weren't you more careful?" These things went through my head and I grew more afraid of embarrassing K than I was aware of stopping the fall.
My right side is kind of beat up. I did a face plant directly into the river. K's reaction? "Babe, babe, babe are you alright? Oh my god. Are you okay?"
I fell in the river; then fell more in love with this man. I may not know all parts of him, as we are still moving slowly in sharing our stories. But what I know about who he is, how he is, and what he stands for, I love.
Speaking of my prat fall to my cousin this morning, she pointed out that I finally have a quality man in my life. I already knew this, but this time I paused to think about why, at 42, I'm getting it in a different way, a way that I think will stick this time. I scratched my head (figuratively) at the idea that I could be a smart, strong, independent, thoughtful woman but I would have tolerated for far too long less than stellar quality in my life. A decade gone.
As I explained to her, I would talk to my ex about forms of communicating; to let him know there was kinder ways to convey his concern besides essentially berating me. But I'm glad I gave up.
When I later told K about how sore I actually was (because up to then we were fishing, not complaining), he was a little bothered I hadn't said something at least when we were carrying gear out. I had taken care not to exacerbate my sore spots, so I didn't mind carrying gear. But when I also told him the only time I felt like crying was from embarrassment, his response was: "Why be embarrassed. We all fall."
When I thanked him for not making me feel like an idiot, he asked why should he, and who would do something like that? All I could answer was "me, myself and I" because I will have waves of embarrassment over this for the next few weeks. For some reason, I just don't feel like complaining to K about the ex.
Can I bore you again and say I love this man?
Oh, and I landed two fish and lost at least three on the line...K landed four.
We arrived at the river and started down the embankment...which I then fell down from about a 1/3 of the way up. It was steep and my foot slipped out from under me. I tumbled a few times, thinking to myself as I'm tumbling "I'm infinitely embarrassed." My mind flashed on how the ex would treat me after my klutzy moments. He would often ask "why weren't you more careful?" These things went through my head and I grew more afraid of embarrassing K than I was aware of stopping the fall.
My right side is kind of beat up. I did a face plant directly into the river. K's reaction? "Babe, babe, babe are you alright? Oh my god. Are you okay?"
I fell in the river; then fell more in love with this man. I may not know all parts of him, as we are still moving slowly in sharing our stories. But what I know about who he is, how he is, and what he stands for, I love.
Speaking of my prat fall to my cousin this morning, she pointed out that I finally have a quality man in my life. I already knew this, but this time I paused to think about why, at 42, I'm getting it in a different way, a way that I think will stick this time. I scratched my head (figuratively) at the idea that I could be a smart, strong, independent, thoughtful woman but I would have tolerated for far too long less than stellar quality in my life. A decade gone.
As I explained to her, I would talk to my ex about forms of communicating; to let him know there was kinder ways to convey his concern besides essentially berating me. But I'm glad I gave up.
When I later told K about how sore I actually was (because up to then we were fishing, not complaining), he was a little bothered I hadn't said something at least when we were carrying gear out. I had taken care not to exacerbate my sore spots, so I didn't mind carrying gear. But when I also told him the only time I felt like crying was from embarrassment, his response was: "Why be embarrassed. We all fall."
When I thanked him for not making me feel like an idiot, he asked why should he, and who would do something like that? All I could answer was "me, myself and I" because I will have waves of embarrassment over this for the next few weeks. For some reason, I just don't feel like complaining to K about the ex.
Can I bore you again and say I love this man?
Oh, and I landed two fish and lost at least three on the line...K landed four.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Avoiding the Rabbit Hole
This weekend, K is going out of town with some friends. Throughout the past week, he's made an extra effort to do date night things instead of just hanging out at his house during the week. I suspect he was wanting to make up for the fact that he will be gone for the majority of the holiday weekend.
His effort made me smile, and I enjoyed the events we attended and the time we had together. So this morning (before I prepare to go fish - YAY), I lay here, in his bed, smiling.
Tuesday my smile increased when he said that he asked his friends to come back a day early because he told them he "had someone, err, something" he wanted to do on Monday (okay he really didn't say "someone" to his friends, but it was a cute funny when conveyed to me). He then said he wanted to spend Monday with me. Consistently, he makes me feel like a priority in his life, which is a welcome change.
And we get to the but: last night, when I said they might want to stay until Monday if the fishing is good, he said that his friends want to come back Sunday to avoid the Monday traffic. This was the first inconsistency I've heard from him about something that is related directly to me.* Are the coming back at his insistence or their's?
Guess what. That last question didn't set off the typical alarms in my head. Pondering it this morning, I realized a couple of things:
I am consistently inconsistent myself. But I tend to point it out because it relates to the dual response team in my head where I will literally have two conflicting reactions because I see situations from multiple sides. Isn't it a tad unfair for me to expect people in my life to never, ever have inconsistencies themselves? Sure, one should diligently look out for things like "Honey, I'm going to the store" when he in fact goes to the bar ~ that's more out right lying.
It feels good to over think this point in a way that is making me actually grow myself. When I dated back in college this kind of inconsistency would have made me question my partner. But there's no need for questions this time around. Perhaps it's a better quality person; whatever the cause, I'm happy that I can just breathe and not pull myself into a rabbit hole over something this minor.
______________________________________________
*For those of you keeping track, I may have mentioned a previous inconsistency. That was related to why he chooses to work two jobs; I ultimately decided that neither answer was related to anything to do with me, so it didn't matter if there was a minor inconsistency. Pretty much every other thing he says and does remain consistent.
His effort made me smile, and I enjoyed the events we attended and the time we had together. So this morning (before I prepare to go fish - YAY), I lay here, in his bed, smiling.
Tuesday my smile increased when he said that he asked his friends to come back a day early because he told them he "had someone, err, something" he wanted to do on Monday (okay he really didn't say "someone" to his friends, but it was a cute funny when conveyed to me). He then said he wanted to spend Monday with me. Consistently, he makes me feel like a priority in his life, which is a welcome change.
And we get to the but: last night, when I said they might want to stay until Monday if the fishing is good, he said that his friends want to come back Sunday to avoid the Monday traffic. This was the first inconsistency I've heard from him about something that is related directly to me.* Are the coming back at his insistence or their's?
Guess what. That last question didn't set off the typical alarms in my head. Pondering it this morning, I realized a couple of things:
- It very well could have been him that planted the idea of traffic into his friends' heads because he does want to come back.
- Why does it really matter the reason for coming back on Sunday? The important part, regardless of why, is that he wants to spend the rest of his holiday with me.
- The way he phrased his comments on Tuesday was aimed at making me feel good and that was, again, an effort toward making me feel like a priority. That effort is being carried through in action, regardless of the words, by him making plans with me for Monday.
I am consistently inconsistent myself. But I tend to point it out because it relates to the dual response team in my head where I will literally have two conflicting reactions because I see situations from multiple sides. Isn't it a tad unfair for me to expect people in my life to never, ever have inconsistencies themselves? Sure, one should diligently look out for things like "Honey, I'm going to the store" when he in fact goes to the bar ~ that's more out right lying.
It feels good to over think this point in a way that is making me actually grow myself. When I dated back in college this kind of inconsistency would have made me question my partner. But there's no need for questions this time around. Perhaps it's a better quality person; whatever the cause, I'm happy that I can just breathe and not pull myself into a rabbit hole over something this minor.
______________________________________________
*For those of you keeping track, I may have mentioned a previous inconsistency. That was related to why he chooses to work two jobs; I ultimately decided that neither answer was related to anything to do with me, so it didn't matter if there was a minor inconsistency. Pretty much every other thing he says and does remain consistent.
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