Not much time to write. But here are some facts:
I finally got a job in a new industry and have been actually pretty happy about possibly leaving my old career completely behind. K took me out on Friday to celebrate landing a new job. We went to a very nice place and the man looks wonderful in a full suit...I'm just saying. While at dinner, he said: "Thank you for giving us something to celebrate." I'm not sure why that resonates with me two days later. It felt like an acknowledgement that there is an "us."
Last night I dreamed of a particular activity. This morning, still half asleep, I mentioned the dream to K. He asked if he should do that to me...with a special tone in his voice. He really does want to fulfill my dreams.
We've spent the last four nights together. Last night he said: "This is really, really, really, really comfortable." (Yes, I counted the "reallys").
I've been apart from him for about eight hours now. I really, really, really, really miss him...just laughing and talking with him. It's odd to me to miss *him* that much because when I first started out in this relationship, I thought it'd be a good, fun sexual excursion while I continued looking for a job. But when he obviously thinks of "us," fulfills my dreams, is comfortable with me, and I just simply miss him, I start to wonder where we might end up.
For now, I'm so extremely happy with him in every possible way, that I'm content to just be.
I love this man....and it's starting to feel like it's a better kind of love than I've given before. And trust me, I've tried really hard to look for bad stuff to say about him and it just doesn't seem to exist.
ETA: Okay, this week he did make me cry. But it was because he told me that I really do deserve to be happy whether with or without him. He then said that when we met, I knew that I deserved it, but I didn't *know* it. I cried that he would be that aware, early on, and honest. And then I whispered that I want to be happy with him.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Blurts
Tomorrow I meet his family. I just started getting nervous.
Tonight before I left his house, as we were saying good-bye in a unique way, he whispered, "You have one more, let me have it." I began to fear he's reading my emails with Mr. Frenulum.
This weekend I insisted on helping around his house, getting it ready for his family's visit. I didn't even do that much "domestic" when I was married. I'm starting to wonder what's wrong with me.
Today, while cleaning, I noticed he has the book "Assholes Finish First" by his bedside. I really try to never snoop around his house: he trusts me enough to be there when he's not; I don't want to breach that trust by snooping. But I was making the bed, had to move the book, and noticed the title. The fact he would be reading it really bothers me and I'm not sure why. I certainly would be offended if he dictated my reading genres. Perhaps its because he started reading it in July, after we started dating.
Yesterday was the first time I felt like he didn't listen to me. I was making dinner (a rarity) and asked to use a particular pan he hardly ever uses. He said sure. A few minutes later he came in, asking what I was making in it, and then asked me to put it away because he rarely uses it. I feel petty that it hurt, a bit, that he didn't really listen to the question the first time it was asked.
This evening he said, more than once, how much he appreciated my help. He said he hadn't wanted me to do so much but that he really did appreciate how much I did. When asked why he didn't want help, he commented about it being his house and his responsibility, his burden. But he didn't have a response when I said it's okay to share the burden now and again.
Tonight he also admitted he purposefully introduced me to his fishing buddy because he knew the gossip chain would happen exactly as it did: that it would get back to his family that we were dating. I plan to ask him later why he didn't want to tell his family about me himself.
Tonight before I left his house, as we were saying good-bye in a unique way, he whispered, "You have one more, let me have it." I began to fear he's reading my emails with Mr. Frenulum.
This weekend I insisted on helping around his house, getting it ready for his family's visit. I didn't even do that much "domestic" when I was married. I'm starting to wonder what's wrong with me.
Today, while cleaning, I noticed he has the book "Assholes Finish First" by his bedside. I really try to never snoop around his house: he trusts me enough to be there when he's not; I don't want to breach that trust by snooping. But I was making the bed, had to move the book, and noticed the title. The fact he would be reading it really bothers me and I'm not sure why. I certainly would be offended if he dictated my reading genres. Perhaps its because he started reading it in July, after we started dating.
Yesterday was the first time I felt like he didn't listen to me. I was making dinner (a rarity) and asked to use a particular pan he hardly ever uses. He said sure. A few minutes later he came in, asking what I was making in it, and then asked me to put it away because he rarely uses it. I feel petty that it hurt, a bit, that he didn't really listen to the question the first time it was asked.
This evening he said, more than once, how much he appreciated my help. He said he hadn't wanted me to do so much but that he really did appreciate how much I did. When asked why he didn't want help, he commented about it being his house and his responsibility, his burden. But he didn't have a response when I said it's okay to share the burden now and again.
Tonight he also admitted he purposefully introduced me to his fishing buddy because he knew the gossip chain would happen exactly as it did: that it would get back to his family that we were dating. I plan to ask him later why he didn't want to tell his family about me himself.
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