The Still of the Night

Last night, I awoke for about an hour.  Even in the still of the night, K made me feel comfortable, happy, safe and secure.  The silly little things really mean a lot to me.  And so, yet again, I share a such a story.

I have this thing I do...when I feel connected to someone with whom I'm sharing a bed, a part of me wants to be in physical contact, whether its a foot touching foot, a hand caressing hand, spooned together, or what-have-you.  I suppose I should have recognized as a sign of discontent that very early in the marriage, I just didn't want that connection with the ex.  The physical connection brings a bit of peace to mind as I sleep; and very much so with K.  It used to be, however, that I would feel smothered if held too closely, with my face pressed into a man's chest.  Happily, when K holds me that way, I relax more fully and can feel the tension leaving my body.  I haven't ever felt smothered by him.  Interesting.

But I digress; back to last night.  When I woke, I was concerned about fidgeting and waking K.  Other worries were on my mind and the wheels started turning, so I knew I'd be awake for a bit.  Purposefully, I slid a bit away from him so as to let him sleep.  I broke that contact with him.  During the course of the hour, he tossed and turned a bit but remained mostly asleep, as evidenced by his breathing patterns.  Still nearly every single time but one that he moved, he reached out to me in some way, reconnecting.  With a hand, with a foot, a couple of times with a kiss.  I'm not sure if he knew I was awake the whole time; I was laying with my eyes closed trying to get back to sleep.

It brings a sense of security to me that he reaches out for me in just the way I crave; he seeks me out even when he might be unaware that he is doing so.  And since I find the need to be connected is an odd one, I never told him of it.  He either observed it on his own or he mirrors me in even something as random as touching during sleep.

Fascinating.  Yet, the dual response team in my brain is forcing me to say that I will try not to read too much into the fact that we seem to match on so many levels.  Including a few new intimate levels that developed this weekend along the lines of exactly what I crave in that arena as well. =)

We woke holding hands, face to face, foreheads almost touching.  My day started happily indeed.