Back on Track?

After blundering around recently, I think I'm bumping along toward being back on track.  I won't bore you with the full details of my blunder, but let's just put it in terms of it's left me wondering why people can't just say what they mean and mean what they say.  While I'm working on forgiveness, I have to ask: what's the point in not being honest with yourself or other people?  


Part of me is angry that my blunder now has me questioning every word out of everyone's mouth.  I realize that's a fundamental trait I had all along, to question things, but it feels exaggerated right now.  The tin soldiers guarding my heart and mind are now back in place, even as I know I don't want to always be on guard because it's exhausting.  I picture them with little piles of cement around their bases, firmly sealing them in place.  


I say I'm now bumping along toward being back on track because I made myself (yes, it was a push) sign up for online dating...and had my first coffee date today.  I'm not sure really how it went.  The date went okay, I believe.  He asked what I would want to do if we got together again.  But he also pings kind of sad, in a way.  I don't know if that was nerves on his part.  I'll just have to see where this takes me.

As I learn to navigate better, I hope I don't become cynical but fear I might.  Opening your heart and mind up to someone is hard and scary, especially when it feels like time and time again it gets stomped on by recklessness and carelessness.  I truly question if he saw his own blunders....