Now here's a new dilemma...or new for me. What do you do when the guy is really nice, respectful, gets the whole boundaries thing and why women should be cautious in this online dating gambit, says things that make it clear he's attracted to you...but you don't feel the spark back?
Guy 5 - D was these things on our first coffee, turned into lunch and a decent walk date. It was sweet when he said, more than once, that I have a really cute smile. He is definitely someone I could be friends with and he is down to earth. But there was just no "I want to lean in and kiss you" feeling on my end. Actually, I've only had that feeling in this (yes, I know very new) process...and that was with Guy 2 - B.
Speaking of Guy 2 - B...I am very much looking forward to our second date, I hope not too much. Since the first date, we've exchanged a few emails and the ease in conversing in person has carried on in written form. Yet I fear the "my life has been pretty boring for certain reasons" thing coming to bite me on the ass with Guy 2 - B.
But back to Guy 5 - D, he's respectful enough of boundaries that at the end of the date he said he'd like to hang out more, but recognized I'm at the place where I just need to start with friendship, and that it'll be up to me to contact him if I'm interested in doing something. Even as friends only he was interested in getting together again.
Perhaps Guy 5 - D is just too newly out of his heartbreak (the final break only happened 6 months ago). He seemed still hurt; a small part of my brain felt bad for his heartache. But I'm not able to really help anyone heal at this point; I'm still healing myself and my support, at least for now, isn't capable of being lent out beyond where it's already committed.
Then the evil side came out, a bit. I've been fairly fiscally cautious lately because I want the freedom to find the right job...and the market is tight in general. So I do mostly free or inexpensive things when I go out because I want my funds to last. Guy 5 - D is the kind of guy that would invest the funds in taking me out, even as friends (we had a mini debate, which I won, about splitting the cost of lunch today). A part of me is very tired of not going out and doing things that take money, like golfing, kayaking and regularly going to the batting cages (they seem way expensive in this area, as in four to five times as expensive as the last state in which I lived). Is it wrong, if I'm clear and honest like I was, to let him pay for those kinds of things for me? Part of me thinks it is...but part of me also feels like it's his money to do with as he will. He identified communication as something key he is looking for in his next relationship. If I communicate clearly with him and he still is interested in time together even as friends, does it mean I'm taking advantage by knowing that it's unlikely I would move past that with him.
I don't want to tread on anyone's heart or psyche or what have you. Yet part of me is tired about being so diligently unselfish that I want, maybe just for a bit, to be selfish. Ugh. Is that okay?
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