Yesterday we fished (YAY Fishing!!!!!). I also kept in mind a cute picture I recently received and wished my hair looked as nice (Thanks Mr. Frenulum).
We arrived at the river and started down the embankment...which I then fell down from about a 1/3 of the way up. It was steep and my foot slipped out from under me. I tumbled a few times, thinking to myself as I'm tumbling "I'm infinitely embarrassed." My mind flashed on how the ex would treat me after my klutzy moments. He would often ask "why weren't you more careful?" These things went through my head and I grew more afraid of embarrassing K than I was aware of stopping the fall.
My right side is kind of beat up. I did a face plant directly into the river. K's reaction? "Babe, babe, babe are you alright? Oh my god. Are you okay?"
I fell in the river; then fell more in love with this man. I may not know all parts of him, as we are still moving slowly in sharing our stories. But what I know about who he is, how he is, and what he stands for, I love.
Speaking of my prat fall to my cousin this morning, she pointed out that I finally have a quality man in my life. I already knew this, but this time I paused to think about why, at 42, I'm getting it in a different way, a way that I think will stick this time. I scratched my head (figuratively) at the idea that I could be a smart, strong, independent, thoughtful woman but I would have tolerated for far too long less than stellar quality in my life. A decade gone.
As I explained to her, I would talk to my ex about forms of communicating; to let him know there was kinder ways to convey his concern besides essentially berating me. But I'm glad I gave up.
When I later told K about how sore I actually was (because up to then we were fishing, not complaining), he was a little bothered I hadn't said something at least when we were carrying gear out. I had taken care not to exacerbate my sore spots, so I didn't mind carrying gear. But when I also told him the only time I felt like crying was from embarrassment, his response was: "Why be embarrassed. We all fall."
When I thanked him for not making me feel like an idiot, he asked why should he, and who would do something like that? All I could answer was "me, myself and I" because I will have waves of embarrassment over this for the next few weeks. For some reason, I just don't feel like complaining to K about the ex.
Can I bore you again and say I love this man?
Oh, and I landed two fish and lost at least three on the line...K landed four.
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