Six Degrees

I don't think I mentioned it, but at the very end of July or in early August, K said something about meeting his parents if we were still dating in October.  This kind of freaked me out a bit and I asked him to not look too far into the future.  As I mulled it over, my mind settled into the fact that looking toward the future like that was, in fact, a very positive sign.  Well, I also got there through consideration of some thoughtful comments on this blog. =)

Then I talked with one of my buddies, D, that I met through the online dating site.  We went hiking (with K's full knowledge) shortly after D returned from a visit to K's home state.  After talking a lot about a relationship issue he was having with the woman he is dating, D then he asked me what was going on.  I mentioned the potential of meeting K's parents.  D has spent some time in K's state and explained that it might mean something completely different to K than it means to me, since K's home state is much more relaxed and laid back.  I can accept that.

Since K mentioned the meeting the parents thing nearly two months ago, I've diligently avoided bringing it back up.  Of course, I'm not absolutely sure I'm navigating correctly, but it felt right to not initiate the conversation.  If there had been a mind shift, I wanted him to have the freedom of not being pressured to introduce me to his family (it's actually his parents, sister, brother-in-law, and two nephews that are coming to visit).  He has dated long enough that I think he knows it means a bit of "something", even if the level of "something" is different.  So if the introduction didn't happen, I have already decided I would talk to him about why after the fact because it could mean we view the relationship differently and that's something important to know after four months with him . . . but it wasn't something that needed to be sorted out before the family visit.

Guess what.  I'm meeting his family.  And he was the one that brought it back up.  I'm not sure if he is actually being a little pressured to do the introduction, though.  Here's why:

He's from a small state but knows a few different people from his home state that live here.  Last night K told me that another of his fishing buddies, T, who I met, mentioned to T's friend back home that K and I were dating.  T, T's friend back home, and K's brother-in-law all work in the same industry.  T's back home friend mentioned it to K's brother-in-law, who, of course, mentioned it to K's sister, who, of course, mentioned it to K's parents.  K's sister has already quizzed him on whether they would be meeting "this woman" he is dating.

In less than six degrees of separation, word got back to his family that he was seeing someone pretty consistently. Yet, I have heard him on the phone telling his mom when he doesn't want to do something (like take a vacation day or two when they are visiting).  It seems if he didn't want to make the introduction, he would have told his family no and not mentioned it to me.  Okay, and so he had a fun, goofy smile on his face while telling me the story, reinforcing the idea that he's happy about this outcome and not being pressured.

He once told me he doesn't introduce dates to friends or family.  I think it means something that I'm being introduced to both.

T, who started this chain of events, is also having a birthday celebration for his youngest.  The invitation was sent to K's house but addressed to Uncle K and Auntie H.  That must have been okay for K because he made a point of keeping the invite and showing it to me (it arrived about a week ago).  It was, again, something that he could have just kept from me.

On top of these things making me feel very emotionally secure with this man, last night he surprised me all the more when we went to bed.  He brought an additional element into things and took me nearly exactly as I have craved, but which I've only told him probably 20% of all that he ended up doing.  He seemed to know the other 80% on his own.  I still feel he's new to this path, but he does seem to figure things out.  With that coming so close on the heels of the emotional security, I sit here, writing this out and think:  we just took two steps closer to K being my future-him.

(And then the dual response team in my brain shouts out "We are only taking small, itty-bitty, tinny tiny, baby steps, sister, and don't you forget it!!!!")