Why?

I started this blog when I was beginning the dating process.  Initially, I thought it would take me a lot longer to meet someone with whom I click.  Looking back on my blogs, my very first date with K had a click that did not happen with anyone else.  We've only been dating now just over two months.  But I'm starting to wonder about why I'm still blogging.  The point, originally, was to keep my rationality while going through the process of meeting strangers in a strange land.  Now that I have someone with whom I'm very comfortable, why do I feel the need to still share with the world at large (okay, really, just my two readers)?

I think the answer might be simple:  I'm still learning to trust again and I have moments when that comfort slips from my grasp.  Yet, those moments are self created illusions (à la the Sabotage post).  Having a man's perspective on even a minute portion of what I put down here has helped certain things click into place in my head.  Thank you Mr. Frenulum.

Once I got over my over thinking about K having been on the online dating site, I realized there's been other little hints that he might need some reassurances about our relationship.  For the most part, as he makes most of those passing comments, I respond to them in reassuring ways.  But it took Mr. Frenulum's comment for it to click (again) in my head that men have very similar concerns about the relationship process.  I recognized this long ago when I worried about what boxes to check in my online profile.  K needing certain reassurances actually mirrors my need.

So why do I still blog?  Because I still:

• learn from those who take the time to post here - oh wait, that's only Mr. Frenulum :o)
• need other input to help me see different perspectives 
• look back and realize I make connections and then forget them.

Change is hard; but I think that even if K is not my forever guy, he is helping me learn to change some things about myself that I have disliked:  namely how my over thinking some things actually damages the very thing I'm thinking about.  It remains that I will still question things; I actually don't want to give up that part of my nature.  But what I do want to give up is my inclination to over think and immediately jump to the worst case scenario.  Formulating questions to gather more data does not require me to think the sky is falling.

So why do I still blog?  Because I'm also still teaching myself how to do better the next time around.  K deserves someone at her best and I intend to meet that challenge.