Last night was the best date I've had in I don't know how long...even better than the dates I recall from my ex. The ex was very inexperienced in relationships and so never really put what (in hindsight) seems like much thought into a date...and even as I tried to lead by example with him, he never "got it." Perhaps it just wasn't in him to put thought into much...but I digress.
Guy 8-K put thought into things. It was a wonderful night and ended very well. It was better than any date I remember when I was in college. Yes, I recognize I could be forgetful of the past here; but it was just a really nice date. And it was as simple as going to a sporting event...but it was the little touches that counted...like him bringing some Madagascar sourced dark chocolate because I once mentioned (a) my preference for dark chocolate; and (b) that I appreciated a local chocolate maker sourcing from Madagascar because of the child enslavement in Ivory Coast and Ghana where approximately (I'm pretty sure) 70% of cocoa comes from. That was just one example of the little touches he brought to the date (note to
Today Guy 8-K and I sent texts back and forth at random times during the day. Tonight he sent a text to see if I wanted to get together tonight. I got it while I was out on a first date with Guy 12-M (nice guy; mostly in the potential friend category). When Guy 12-M went to the bathroom, I replied to Guy 8-K's text. My scowl above is a bit for me because at this point, I'm not entirely sure why I answered one guy while on a date with another...but I will say Guy 12-M was already sliding into the potential friend category and if I were just out for coffee with a friend, I would have responded to Guy 8-K.
My response text, however, was honest. I said I was out on a so-so first date with a guy that was not really my type. Guy 8-K's reply didn't say he was bothered by the fact that I was out...but something felt like he could be...a little thing really like how he put laughter at the beginning and end of the text...almost coming "through" as him forcing the laugh (he usually does one or the other; I don't recall any other text where "laughter" was at the start and finish). So a bit of the above scowl is for him, too.
But it was a 160 character text and how much can one really know about someone's meaning, especially someone new in your life?
When I navigate life with intent, I often try to put myself in the other person's shoes. I want to consider their perspective because my way is not the only way and I just like being considerate in general. This is a troublesome process in that I never can really know how someone might react because I haven't lived his or her life...I'm putting myself in their shoes but looking through my own eyes. I worry that my honesty could have come across as game playing...and if it had been a reverse situation, I would have been a bit bummed.
I absolutely do not want to be in a position where full truth isn't out on the table, though. Been there, done that...and I absolutely expect the guy to spell out the full truth for himself because the half truths hurt the most as I've been recently reminded of all too well.
Maybe it's the wrong thing, but I sent Guy 8-K an email asking if he was, in fact, bothered and I explained how I was interpreting things. We hadn't talked about where either of us are at in the online thing. We've only known each other 12 days. It is way too soon for either of us to not be following through on other things with the online dating...yet his reply text with what I perceive as forced laughter asked how many other first dates I had planned and whether he should be updating his online profile. And then crickets chirped in reply to my answering those questions (i.e. he didn't say anything back).
I do feel comfortable with Guy 8-K on many levels (and, ironically, "comfortable" was the exact word he used, multiple times last night, to explain how he was feeling about spending time with me...ironic in light of my earlier post, no?). I've been worrying about jinxing things by talking about him or our dates. I really hope I haven't jinxed things...
I've never been a "player" so it's been hard to see myself juggling dates and other things. There is a level of me that would rather not continue to pursue the online thing even if I would say I am not exclusively dating anyone. It seems like even at the 4th or 5th date stage it would actually be easier for me, in general, to let that dating course take us where it may instead of continue dating other people simultaneously. But I don't say these things out loud because it would freak some people out; they would interpret it as me moving to exclusivity when it's basically that my brain gets overfull with all the dates with people and I hate feeling like I'm engaging in sluttish behavior by dating a lot of people all at once.
But back to the dilemma. So I explained to Guy 8-K my point of view as to what happened tonight and questioned him about his perspective. It's my hope that he responds...and then self doubt sets in that the mere sending of the email is the wrong "move" and that alone will upset the apple cart.
As I explained in the email, though, if I had a misunderstanding or even a potential misunderstanding with a friend or family member, I'd send an email (if I couldn't call) to try and clear the air. I suppose his reaction will tell me whether he is worth pursuing. A bad reaction to just who I am is not what I want, in large part because of that comfort level that's already starting...and I've enjoyed my time with him enough that if there is a bad reaction, I'll be a bit sad about it. I'll know more in the morning I suppose.
No comments:
Post a Comment