"The past is gone but something might be found to take it's place
Hey jealousy" ~ Gin Blossoms
So we may have seen a shadow of a real negative. Tomorrow I'm planning to hit the driving range with one of the guys I met before K. I'm going with Guy 2 - B, who knows I just want to be friends. K honestly admitted he was uncomfortable with me going because I met Guy 2 - B through the online dating. K gets huge bonus points for being honest.
While K said he trusts me, something still "pinged" off so I asked. When I mentioned that it sometimes seems like he might have been cheated on in the past, he skirted the issue but admitted he has trust issues. He also said he trusts me because I'm honest about what I'm doing. At least he wasn't that freaky jealous guy that would ask me to cancel. If he had asked, he would have been written off as trying to be isolationist - a definite no-no in my book.
Frankly, in my weird relationship life, I don't remember ever having to deal with the man being jealous. The "love of my life" college boyfriend was a cheater, although at the time I said not technically but today I say he was. We cycled through being "together" and "apart" while also living as roommates (separate bedrooms, house sharing arrangement). In that pattern, he would often "hook up" with someone soon after we decided we were "apart"...but he never had the courage to make a final break from me (ultimately I did that) and he never had the grace to hook up outside of the house. So, yes, I've had to deal with my own trust and jealousy issues before. The ex-husband never acted jealous and almost, in hindsight, seems to have been indifferent. The guy I lived with during graduate school wasn't jealous; and the few guys I dated casually never got to the level of being invested enough to be jealous. I scanned my memory and don't find any clues on how to navigate a guy who might be jealous.
Then I smack my forehead with the palm of my hand ('cause there's no one here to smack my ass for me). I just have to continue being honest and forthright in telling K what I'm doing and with whom. It's his issue to work through. I can help him through it by being my honest self and if the issue doesn't resolve itself, then I have thinking to do.
Is it wrong that I'm crossing my fingers and toes that it's an issue he can work through? Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill? Upon editing this, it does almost seem as if I am.
*rolling my eyes at myself for over thinking AGAIN*
"Cos all I really want's to be with you
And feel like I matter too" ~ Gin Blossoms
Long ago I dated a girl who was seeing me and someone else at the same time. She had been seeing him when I asked her out. We dated pretty often for several months. I remember feeling, not so much jealous, but annoyed that she couldn't make a decision; because I certainly had no interest in advancing the relationship past friendship if she wasn't going to be only with me.
ReplyDeleteK could be feeling disappointment in himself: "I thought I was making such great progress with H." Or he may have no experience with women who have men friends who really are just friends-to-hang-out-with.
Keep up the honesty, and he should be able to learn that you're not a two-timer.
P.S. Good luck resolving that ass-smacking issue :o)
The ass-smacking issue is, mostly, resolved when I'm with K. :o) I just happen to have been writing when I hadn't seen him for a few days.
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