For the second week in a row, my roommates had to back out of going to trivia night with me at the local brew pub. For the second week in a row, Guy 8 -K pinged me around the time they were cancelling to see about doing something together.
(As an aside, I am changing the reference to him to be just K...that whole guy numbering thing seems demeaning when I know more of him than just a number).
Random factoid: K does not actually smoke...I misunderstood him when we were talking last week. He used to smoke. To the best of my ability, I have confirmed his non-smoking status. Why this seems worthy of mentioning, I'm not sure...maybe because it was one of the few basic flaws I thought existed? Is it bad or realistic to look for the flaws?
Flaws. I'm flawed and afraid to share those flaws. And I'm faced, again, with someone telling me that they feel they can share more with me than they ever share with anyone else. Such a statement triggers another flaw: my questioning nature.
My questioning nature isn't completely a flaw...but it can make me look at an issue and break it down to the point of where I don't believe an alternative truth even if that truth is the real thing. I need to learn to put the brakes on questioning things.
Questions. K mentioned last night that he could tell on our first date I had a inquisitive mind and he likes that. He still constrains himself when answering some questions, but considering we've only known each other 14 days, I think I'm okay with him having boundaries. I know I have boundaries that I can't yet cross with him. I did warn him, however, that I will continue to ask questions and he said that was exactly what he expected.
Expectations. I've decided there's no getting around the fact that I simply do have expectations. It flows from my do unto others belief system. I expect to be cherished enough that when the person in my life makes critical decisions, at least a fleeting thought of the impact of those decisions on me is had. Further, I expect honesty; and if you say you expect honesty, you damn well better give it - completely.
Honesty. Isn't it just easier to say something, even the hard things, with a bit of kindness but still honest and truthful? The fall out from being less than honest seems to take more of a toll on you than if you just deal with the matter in a straightforward way to begin with.
I met Guy 5 - D at the driving range today because I need help improving my golf game. (As an aside, yes, K knew I was going). Guy 5 - D really does seem like a great guy but I had to have the "we're just friends" talk again with him. I mentioned this to K and K's response was that guys don't really understand the "just be friends" concept. I don't get that. But if Guy 5 - D doesn't understand the just friends part then I loose out on a potentially decent friend...or do I? It all flows back to boundaries again...if he can't honor my honestly set out boundaries he really wouldn't be that decent of a friend.
So there's no point to this post...just felt like rambling a bit. Someday I'll sort myself out.
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