Not laughing so much...

In a few minutes, I'll be getting ready for date 4 with Guy 8-K.  Yes, this is the guy I'm really attracted to...very much so.  But yesterday I discovered a stye in my eye.  I have never had a stye before.  I don't have any pain or swelling, but I do have a touch of redness and it just looks like a bump on the inside track of my eye lid (lower lid).  I'd like to be laughing about it but I'm oddly embarrassed and it's making me nervous.

Then I also think about where we both have basically said we'd like the night to end.  It's true, I think about letting it play out that way.  I so need a good roll in the hay in general.  But the problem is that I like him beyond just the physical attraction part and I worry that a quick roll in the hay would be the extent of what he wants if we go there too soon.  I also worry about just needing to sit down and talk before taking that plunge in case that's not all that he is interested in.

I've done an inventory of my life recently.  In thinking about how to navigate tonight, I went ahead and thought about my first reactions to past lovers.  There is only one time I recall being this physically attracted to a guy before the mind part.  Usually, it's the mind that captivates me first and then the physical comes along; there's always an initial hint or a medium physical reaction first...but really it's that plus the mind thing. With him, it's backwards from what I've recently experienced and what I generally experienced before I was married. So it confuses me.

And what if he is just a player? Maybe I'll just ask him straight out tonight.